i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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