Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
