his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
