Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
