my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
