Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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