What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
