Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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