girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Mom said you looked used
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
