they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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