dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
