There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
