I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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