I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
