I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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