White coat. Heels.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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