Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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