what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
