At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
