Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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