it wasn't lemon gatorade
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
