Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
