Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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