im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My cat gives me a boner
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
