You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
