Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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