i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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