you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize