I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
