there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy