no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."