It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
