no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?