I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
