I think im going to throw up on grandma
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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