Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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