What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
