She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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