I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
