you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
