My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
