And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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