he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my liver is dry heaving
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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