11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
