Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
