Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
