You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
