So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
