That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
