I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
