So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
