Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
