I'm eating all of the evidence.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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