I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
