Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
