i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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