Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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