I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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