I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
