I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize