you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
