you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
