Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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