I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
