i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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